paralyzed by abundance?



Absolutely loved stumbling across a response to Qideas question: Constraint and Consent, Career and Motherhood and I found myself resonating with things the writer blogged about, but also thinking while reading "What the heck? But Im NOT in my twenties any longer and Im still there! Its not like Im 24 trying to find a purpose and a place in life, God!" Im into my 30s and thankfully I know things that stirr passion and things that keep me dreaming or awake at night, but for me, now its more of the struggle with the sheer abundance of possibilites to do with life.

The challenge as Kate quotes Kathleen Norris "...the human paradox is that we find these things by starting where we are, not where we wish we were."

In an effort to seek out my calling, as I wait to begin a family, I too often time find myself going in circles with the questions of which direction to turn my journey towards and how do I do that while walking in His plan and will, but also not missing it when it comes?!?

Questions I ask almost daily; What career path do I chase? What life would look like if I move to Nashville?  Do I keep planning events and parties? Or do I jump back into the music industry and explore a whole other realm within the events I love so much? Do I keep striving towards dreams of storytelling, or how do I rest and let His perfect timing let that happen?  What about income? What will bring income in? How can I do both: pursue my dreams and not worry about finances? Ironically at the same time with bills continuously coming in (they dont stop) I ask a lot of questions about relationships.  (like I need to worry about more than one thing! ha :-P) What relationships are worth keeping?Expanding deeper? Who will be in my life forever as a friend?  Who is just for a season?  How much do I invest?  Is this a new friendship or more? How do I move on when its not up to me if that door is closed? How do I move on when I know I should?  Where will I meet my husband? 
And then I circle back around the questions: Do I move?  Do I stay?  Where can I find work to pay the bills, rest in knowing that opportunities will come, AND know that my territory of influence and reach will be expanded and know that I am where Im supposed to be?  Do i invest in a work opportunity because it will be good for my resume or because it makes my heart skip? . . .  the questions go on.  

Even when Im comfortable in life.  Not sure if you sit or wrestle with the neverending possibility of questions, but its something Im learning to surrender.  I may not be seeking "calling beyond motherhood" but it was a great post and article to read, and I have to concur: 
we long for a life that makes sense to us, that feels coherent in the face of complex and competing demands, and we need a better framework than “work-life balance” to do so.  As Kathleen Norris writes, “We want life to have meaning, we want fulfillment, healing, even ecstasy, but the human paradox is that we find these things by starting where we are, not where we wish we were.”
Isnt it funny how we dont even fret over little things that are actually huge?  Because we know He's got it and His hand is over our journey!! When things seem to be going well we assume its because of something we've done right? Or our hard work?  We seem to forget its the Lord's provision and we're blessed to have a functioning car, the ability to pay for gas, the warm water we shower in, the energy that gives our house light.  We're recognized for hard work, or pass a test with flying colors.  We kill a tough workout and perform faster, better, stronger.  Our joints dont hurt. We have perfect vision.  We get to sleep and get to rest somewhere with clean sheets, safe drinking water, and doors that lock... how many times do we sit still long enough to even be grateful or thankful for these things and repeatedly give him praise for the abundance in our lives. And then how often are we stressing and freaking out with the Lord over things that alter our emotional steadiness?

Until something alters our reality.
Until something comes to close to our personal space
Until something trips us up
   a relationship crumbles,
   a family member gets sick,
   a scare with the doctor,
   a financial crisis,
   a challenge on your theology
   or a conviction of your actions...

Not sure about you, but I want to get to a place where Im not dependent on God and coming to him desperate to see him provide, but I come to him daily because I long to be in His presence and my conversation is full of praise!

And while Im working on this daily becoming a habit, Im seeking more of HIM and hoping to releave being restless.  I KNOW I want to keep running the race set before me, I know what makes my heart skip a beat. I know where my gifts and talents lie, and im just trying to make sense of it all, and really really hoping that Lord willing, it will fit into a family and I will find my husband along the journey.   My only option. TRUST.
My only reaction: keep moving forward, so i can be directed in the steps to go as HE authors my path.


PS. the clip below is 20min piece that hope speaks to you as much as it did me.  It challenged me and it inspired me and invigorated me to keep RUNNING THE RACE and Im excited to do so. . . Perhaps it would speak to you where you're at too. Even if you're feeling a little 'restless'

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps - Proverbs 16:9

...and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
- Hebrews 12:1-2


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