They Call Me Blondie

So, I used to think no matter how thin or petty I was, I would never be thin or pretty enough to be valuable and lovable. I battled food restriction, addictions, and even working out too much! I had the coined "female athlete triad" disorder where you don't eat enough for workouts & yet loved the number on the scale or the size of jeans I could fit into, so it was a vicious cycle. I remember feeling worthless for years as I struggled to overcome the lies. Now, almost 4 years free of living under the control of what I consumed, within the last few years I've come to understand my beauty & character, even WHO I am in a whole different light! I choose to eat to fuel my body for my workouts now, instead of scavenge off of rabbit food to barely make it through the day! I've taken hold of incredible promises found in God's word; and believe it or not; I have been set free!! I don't say this to preach by any means. I never expected others to live up to...

As i listened to him speak, an all too familiar thought crossed my mind.   “This doesnt apply to you girl...He’s talking to people that  don’t have the struggles that you do.  You’ve already had your chance and you missed it, so somehow you have to learn to survive and carry on.  This is the lot you got in life”  Hmmm. thats odd. I knew I’ve heard that voice before, but for some reason this time it didn’t seem very convincing. I mean it did, but right in the middle of church?   I found myself wanting to believe what the guy on the platform was sharing.  And yet my own thought life was trying to disagree?   Could it be, my own thoughts are not really my own?  What if what I’ve heard is really true - That the enemy of our soul will do everything to convince us of what we’re not, so we are too embarrassed to come any closer to freedom? Ya know; things along lines of Not being good enough to ____ or Not strong enough to resist ____....