why hello stairwell

I stumbled out of bed this am as the alarm blared for the 2nd time. This time, even louder as I was not in dreamland any longer; each time the alarm went off it seemed to yell with each beep. GET. OUT. OF. BED. THIS. IS. YOUR. LAST. ALARM. BEFORE. I. JUMP. OFF. YOUR. DRESSER. AND. ONTO. YOUR. BED. 
(I felt like it was one of the old black and white Disney cartoons when the cow becomes the bullhorn and the rest of the farm animals run around with barnyard sounds and pots & pans clanging)  
Ok, okay… it wasn't that bad. BUT, I Hadn't had a full night's rest after tossing and turning throughout the night, and I was still trying to complete the somewhat odd dream I had during my sleep. If you could even call it that.  

And so out of bed, into the bathroom, splashed water on my face, and in a half awake/half not, I hopped down the stairs towards the laundry room so I could snag my clean laundry and start getting ready for the day.  With the cold of the morning, the last thing a girl wants to do when she's all ready to go is run to the cold basement in her towels and bare feet risking frostbite, so i started my morning with a venture to the basement and TRIPPED over a shoe, slid ALL THE WAY down the stairs, hitting every step along the way; SMACK onto my booty, and on down I went.

Thankfully, I stayed on my backside as I slid down the stairs like I was riding the old rickety wooden rollercoaster bumping along the way.  I'm sure i could've broken a bone or nose or something, had I actually tumbled head over or tripped moving forward.   "Good morning, Wendy!" I said to myself as i stood back up and walked into the Laundry room. 
What a fantastic way to wake up, I sarcastically thought, but shook it off and quickly carried on, laughing to myself as I ran back up to the warmth of the house and hopped in the shower.  

Thankfully I didn't press snooze again or Id certainly have been late to church, but I was excited this morning. It was the first service of a new year, back in my cozy little city I like to call home for now; Littleton, and I get to go to my favorite place of worship!  As I got ready this morning, I put my face on and attempted to perfect some of the curls in my hair, I remember last night's dream and the worries that I fell asleep to running through my head.  I also remember the devo I had read just before bed and attempted to focus my mind and prayers on just before I turned out the light.  I actually remembered the devotional and could talk to God a little more about it as I got ready, as we were at church in between songs, and even afterwards in a few conversations.

When worries come up, the devo said, try laying out our concerns speaking candidly and pouring out our heart, then THANK him for the answers he has already set into motion long before we could even discern. Wow. Reality check.  Thankfully it's the beginning of a new year and I am at an unbelievable peace that my God is in control and He is good to provide, but to think of the way He is ALREADY at work, behind the scenes, working things out on our behalf even before we even ask him??  Now that's a different way of thinking! If we keep our eyes focused on the worries, we are never set free from that tension.

I wonder what would our lives be like if every time we had a worry pop up, we were able to turn it back over to the Lord and say "Lord, I know that you know what I am facing today and that you're already working things out for my good and thank you for the answer you already have set into motion, because it IS for my best"??   Think we would avoid much stress or the back and forth worrying in trying to figure out a problem that will either 
1) never happen because its in the future and we have no way to predict the future
2) not solve itself because it is out of our time and ability to control the outcome
3) dissolve or change and become something else to worry about tomorrow 
4) simply work itself out because God is good and he steps in too (and, I kinda like to think so!!)

Like why do we worry about what we're going to say the next time we see a certain person, and think it over and over and over and over? And once that reality happens it's totally not how we thought it would play out in our head and therefore we lost hours of thinking about something lame for so long!  Or we spend hours reliving a rash conversation from work and then start to worry about company cutbacks and how we can avoid them or change the conversation from the past when it might not even be a factor in why the company is letting people go. OR even crazier fears; what would we do if North Korea attacked the US and we're all left to fend for our own and it becomes survival of the fittest?

Again, its not likely the scenario will ever play out in our time, OR if it does it won't happen the way we thought it would, so why do we worry so much when we have a higher entity that really does have our best interest in mind?!  Do we add any time or life onto our life by stressing over something so completely out of our control? Even if we did have a bit of that control, isn't it better to release it to someone who sees the bigger and grandeur picture of it all that will actually hook us up with the best possible outcome for what we need, who we are, and how we can grow!

As I spent time in worship this morning I remember talking to my Father above:
"Lord, You know the problems I am up. You know the exact finances I need to meet the bills this month and where that income will come from.  God you know who my future will be with, what I will be doing and where my future will take me, so please help me to not worry about doing anything on my end to control any of it.  Father, you know the perfect fit for my career and my calling, and Lord you know where I'm supposed to live and when to move, and on and on I prayed…. 
Lord help me to focus on thanking you for getting my back! For always taking care of my needs even the ones I don't think to run to You with. Lord, thank you for the amazing friends and family and places I have to turn to in my life when I need it. Father thank you for the car and the roof over my head.  Jesus thank you that you know my heart and what I need far beyond what I can even guess I need. And Lord, let me trust you MORE with my life, obviously you've done things and handled it pretty well from here.  Lord please help me to trust you more. Give me the faith and the confidence to trust you with the results and the outcome of my requests and Father, thank you for everything I haven't thanked you for up to this point. Give me a heart of graciousness and Let me continue to be a light for you.  Father if you would entrust your plan and your vision and your will to me, let me be daring and bold enough to respond and carry out your calling!  Jesus, Thank you for the answers you already are gloriously at work on IN the wait. Thank you for being patient with me and for giving me even just a moment, to remember Who you are and how great you are to be in control.  Even when it takes an alarm blaring or a stairwell to tumble down to grab my attention - Lord Thank you for your gracious and patient handling of my high-maintentance self-focused yet authentically driven and flawed self.  You amaze me."


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