catching the next wave
You have been
And You will be
You have seen
And You will see
You know when I rise and when I fall
When I come or go, You see it all
You hung the stars and You move the sea,
And still You know me
Wherever I go, You find me
And You know every detail of my life
And You are God and You don't miss a thing
Whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh, You know me....
You memorize me
<--- listen while you read;)
Ever have one of those days you seem to question everything?
Today was one of those days. "What am I doing? Why did I leave that gig? I know it wasnt what I was called to, but it would have been better than this or where Im at currently..." Actually, funny enough though, it started out as one of those "I'm going to conquer the world" days as there were brilliant options before me, I was looking into. Ha.
Having a little fun looking up some ideas on the web, letting your mind spin and creatively conjur up ideas that would be brilliant enough to save the world. More often than not, these ideas come around a kitchen table with a glass or two of wine with good girlfriends of mine, Jen & Chrys! :) We usually have brilliant ideas that would totally work if only there were capital behind these ideas. These are the type of "TOMS Shoes" Or "Invisible Children" business ideas that could employ impoverished communities around the globe, lead people into a better life, fix the problem with hunger, lack of education, and even faith or spiritual grounding. It's those ideas where we can all relate. We're all just crossing our fingers and hoping some independently wealthy friend that had just discovered his inheretence from his great Aunt Sally last month, and he finally decided he was going to invest it into a cause that mattered and YOU just happend to be THAT CAUSE! <celebrations & sirens go off> the world can be a better place, because of YOUR idea! But then flashback to reality. Chances are you wont win the lottery if you never play. And chances your friend's uncle's wealthy neighbor's son who started Kickstarter is going to hear of your idea, just like stumbling across a video on youtube that has only been published to a private audience, is not going to happen.
But seriously. I know Im a visionary and a dreamer (smiling:) and I know dozens of my thoughts and ideas won't ever come to fruition. BUT there are also a handful of very clear and poignant moements I've had complete clarity as if the Lord was talking straight to me about what my life's mission was to be about, certain endeavors to take, specific ones not to take, and things to keep circling in prayer until they come to pass. These are those visions & dreams where you know that you know that you KNOW you're supposed to go after something.
Last October I had the priviledge to go to Flordia for an Action Sports Conference and meet with a handful of other rad ministries and friends that were invested into changing the lives of people they encountered on the mountain shredding, in the water surfing, at a park skating, even in everyday life just living. I knew I was supposed to be at this event for a handful of reasons, but one of the evenings I was there I was caught up in a fight over my thoughts vs His promises. It was here in the midst of one of the toughest seasons of my life, I found myself crying out to the Lord asking for a simple reminder or 'word' that I was where I needed to be and I was on track towards what I was being called to. Falling asleep that night on a pillow of tears and sighs between breaths, He heard me. I woke the next day to attend several sessions where we got to hear from pro-surfers, skaters & wakeboard athletes. It was in one of these sessions where we got to hear one of the guys talk about honoring his wife as his first ministry (even before other surfers, projects, church or friends!) And it was in this session where where my attention was captivated and I was reminded:
"he can do immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine, through the power working within us. Ephesians 3:20 gives us permission to Dream! To dream GOD-SIZED visions and dreams...."
Well, it was this day back in October, that I was seeking to be reaffirmed by the Lord of his promises. (I had just walked through another rough ending of a relationship with someone I cared about a lot, and in one of our last conversations, I was told I was always stuck in "dream-world" while he was off in the 'real-ness' of life. He shared how conflicting it was for his feelings and emotions so many times which was hard to take. Some of the things he fell for became the things he actually despised. And while I knew I wasnt stuck in "Lala world, wishing for a corvette or to win the lottery" and actually felt like my dreams were God sized dreams and specific visions for my life, I was really impacted by this. My dreams I believe were visions spoken into my life. And now, a week later at this conference I realized that conversation took a bigger tole over my heart than I thought. THANKFULLY though, the Lord used what this surfer shared to speak directly back into my life and reaffirm I wasnt just a girl off in fairytale world, but there were things he was waiting to give me, visions he was waiting to fulfill, and I was right on track - and HE HEARD ME! God, the creator of the universe just reached down into my world and not only spoke directly to my soul, but gave me a big fat kiss!
I dont know about you, if you have things you'd like to accomplish in life or specific dreams and hopes for what you could do someday and how you could impact peoples lives, impact a community, create change for the better, or forever leave a legacy. My dreams I believe are visions the Lord has spoken into my life that I continue to hope and pray come to life and fruition. Storytelling is one of those dreams. So is ministry with my future husband. What this looks like, I have no idea. There are more dreams involving artists, social justice elements, getting behind causes way bigger than me, being part of a greater movements in history, and being a voice for the voiceless while communicating stories of hope in a broken world.
Hearing from this surfer right after begging God to speak to me was exactly what I needed!
Today, I am thankful to not be in a pit of despair, like seasons before when my heart physically hurt and I felt like I was waking from bad dreams to living another bad dream. In the last year of life and feeling a lot like Hosea' being led into the Valley of Achor (literally meaning 'dry bones') I felt like the Lord was teaching me all about HOPE when hope would not exist through any other means other than Jesus' hope and what he promises/brings. What's funny is that I had such sweet and intimate moments with Jesus over the summer. I had lots of extra time to be before him, listening, writing, reading, etc and I am thankful for those times I was able to retreat with him.
There are moments I still have my ups and downs. I wrestled a lot last year with feeling forgotten in terms of my love life, my career, and a handful of other things... BUT I will say this on a better day. I KNOW he works ALL THINGS together for our Good and I am Banking on His strength and promises to keep carrying me forward when I cannot do it myself.
I think Its funny how people get caught up in the saying "he will never give you more than you can handle" when its a BIG FAT LIE. I think he actually tells us we WILL suffer. Its the only thing that's promised in the bible actually suffering. It DOES say in the Bible that He will not tempt us more than we can handle. ANd in regards to our own life and being able to handle things, there are verses like Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" which show us that Jesus will be with us along the way and when we are at the point of not being able to "handle" life we should call on him.
Today, when my dreams or my brilliant ideas to solve the world's issues, reinvent the wheel, even work for a certain companies because the campaigns they feature for organizations that help with life-threatening illnesses or people groups who desperately need to have hope restored or health restored, dont immediately come to fruition or get caught up in longing for the future. I am thankful to be surrounded by great girlfriends that remind me of his promises fullfilled in the past so I too can turn my grumbling into praise and focus on His promises rather than my lack of ____. AND i can thankfully turn my attention back into the present of TODAY and keep trecking forward.
Just like He tells us in Matthew 6:25-27 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?"
I am reminded how he provides and will continue to guide in the future.
Just last week I was freaking out over losing my makeup bag. YES! Folks, I know its ridiculous, but my makeup bag full of things I knew would take at least three stores and $50+ to replace, I somehow had lost my makeup bag from the night before. THe funnny thing was that I was supposed to be on my way to the mountains to snowshoe that day and I had a friend in town visiting so we were on a time-frame to get out the door. Running behind I had searched, under my bed like 18 times, in my car 3 times, in cabinets, in closets, in weird places like kitchen drawers or even suitcases... I could NOT FIND my bag!!
BUT in a moment of desperation even tears, I walked into the kitchen and paused as I looked outside the window. ha. I started to laugh. (like a "are you kidding me?" laugh)
I looked out the window and there were 2 big fat birds with white bellies and a gorgeous magnetic blue tail perched on the planters in the backyard just sitting in the snow. HA! A laughed and teared up as the passage above ran through my brain and felt immediately convicted yet reminded. "how would i not take care of you, if I take care of even these birds?" I heard God say. Ahhhh..... perspective. Under my breath I asked him again, "Lord please help me find my makeup bag!" and decided ONE more time to go out to my car, and least grab out our snow pants to get ready for snowshoeing. I picked up my dry cleaning bag of clothes to take to the cleaners from my backseat, and there stuffed UNDER, yes under the passenger seat on the very RIGHT side of the car was my black makeup bag. I started to giggle... "God you are so good. Thank you Jesus:)" I exclaimed. I kept smiling and laughing under my breath while shaking my head.... Walked back in the house and told my friend about the miracle.
See.... HE IS GOOD. Every. Single. Day.
He DOES provide. Even the little things and worries he cares about.
AND I am and continue to be reminded that in the midst of lifes dreams, struggles, hopes, desires... when I Cannot see his hand or hear his voice and my heart is overhwelmed and broken to the point I feel paralyzed moving forward, I can DAILY step forward. Trusting HIM.
Im not about to sit home and start eating bon-bons to wait for my future career or future love, because I TRUST in his perfect timing.... and till then, I'll continue LIVING life, striving after the dreams he's placed on my heart, and enjoying the JOURNEY!!
PS . . . Want to watch that surfer's story I told you about???
Its pretty friggin awesome and MIGHT just help you dream a little, even think about where you're at in a new and radical way.
Never know where you're at and how you might be used - even while waiting to catch the next wave! ;)