They Call Me Blondie

Totally freaked out.   I stand at the edge of what seems like a never ending drop.  In the fog and the haze, I look out past the horizon and hear whispers of something I recognize.   "Brave"  the wind whistles... its cold now, and although bundled in a sweater and warmth, the wind whips through and over the grasses with a chilling bite.  From atop the mountain it seems so far down... as you think of the long way it is to the bottom, which would certainly mean the death of you, the thoughts start to crawl in... Dont forget while you're here, they're there planning without you. . .  What are you doing with your life? . . .You stink at being a parent, a thrown together lunch because you forgot to get to the store  . . .   After so much strategy and efforts planning, what if the merger is a flop? . . . How will we ever have a child?  Where is the money going to come from?  . . .  Mise well be who they want you to be - its easier ...

It was a week of unbelievable crazy ups and downs.   I heard the exciting news of something I once proposed to be a divinely inspired idea and the not so exciting announcement to me was that it was finally coming to fruition based off someone else's hand - and they took credit. Backhanded high five.  Awesome feeling. A car accident not based off my lack of attention, but it simply was black ice I could not get my car to stop.  A deductible later. Whats another $500 right? The announcement of their wedding. Its clear he moved on. But why would it be on the date of her birthday?   He still isnt allowed home to see his family and has had such a good long stride of behavior.  His wife is devastated.  How to be a good friend in the midst of other struggles, job issues, things I couldnt control, and not to mention sleep I hadn't gotten... I had no idea!  While the devil may have thought he was winning certain battles, and at times during this week ...

"Define yourself as ONE Beloved by God - THIS is the TRUE SELF.  Every Other Identity is an illusion"  I've come to a place where I know who I am...What a sweet place to be!  No I haven't arrived, but there's so many things that play into this: my identity is not based off another  man's thoughts about me; how well I perform, how thin or pretty I am; how well educated I portray myself to be; how popular or not; trendy or stylish; strong; meek; rich; outgoing; humble; even grateful....  As a daughter, a friend, a girlfriend, a colleague or an employee, my worth has been established by one who thinks I am royalty!  The best part?! It's not based off any of the things I can achieve and I've already been declared set apart and worthy of value and love!  The even greater part? You are too!!  Living in an illusion of self is the lie we have to battle on a daily basis....  When you know you are truly HIS BELOVED  i...

Were Harry and Sally wrong?  If you're over the age of 26 most of you have probably seen "When Harry Met Sally", a popular 80s movie about friends becoming lovers, then back to friends, then ultimately ending up together.  The funny part about the movie is the commentators and camera "confessionals" where Harry and Sally talk about how they can, or CANT, have friends of the opposite sex because sex always gets in the way. Well, in some subcultures, esp once married, its almost as if having opposite-sex friendships is taboo. This makes me sad.  Thankfully I have friends ok with going against the religious cultural 'norm', but then again, I have always been a rebel.  I'd like to think Jesus was a rebel too. Afterall, didn't he hang out with prostitutes? And his guy friends weren't exactly class president.  So while I may appear a bit "rebel-ish" I don't want you to mistake this for being ok with going against values and standa...

A thousand directions my mind; spinning.   I reach and try to grasp the thoughts as they leave me,  they escape the canvass of my mind just as quickly as I try to unpack them.   Another thought.  "stay focused…Lets dig deeper"  I think to myself as I search for the address of the organization that's doing awesome things;  I rack my brain as it consumed me just 24hours ago.   Ah yes, they were changing lives, and here's a perfect opportunity to use my gifts;  THIS is what I've been waiting for , and my dreams begin to take flight.   " Who am I kidding, they don't need me. "  - the lies start to creep in, and enveloped in the depth of my own struggle, the easy thing would be to turn to facebook or scroll instagram as somehow we're convinced its soothing.   <<<<SIGH>>>  What it would be like to sit still for longer than 24hours without a dream coming to mind!??! A desire to want to see cha...

"That Moment of your life when you have one foot in a fairytale and one in the abyss"  It's at the base, in the valleys, where all you see is the depths of hope and the longing for a prayer to be answered, that if you're not careful you will get stuck - right where he wants you; the enemy of your soul! It's cold. It's dark & all you can see is the unanswered prayers before you. Its almost crippling. But light shines through. You occasionally get glimpses of something beyond. You know there's got to be more! You long for that fairytale to unfold, and so you continue through the climb and as you catch glimpses of HIS beauty and God's creation: it gives you hope! He gives you views of what He is up to, and boy it is good. As the journey continues, to live in a constant tug-o-war between the two takes patience and perseverance. Don't get stuck looking down for too long, you may never see what he has past the horizon! He has plans for m...

"it's like sunshine and whiskey..."  the song fades out and the morning DJ segues into the next song on her playlist " So cannot wait for this concert, nonetheless a sold out show at Red Rocks folks, but if you'll be there be sure to swing on by and say hi... Now h ere's Jason Aldean with "Burnin'it down" ( prelude to the song begins and her thoughts start to run their own course)  ... A beautiful morning and the sun has peaked through the clouds enough to the feel the warmth through the windshield.  As she drives to meet her friend over coffee; she cannot wait to see her long-time friend visiting from outta town!  While she drives along her mind scrolls through a series of comments and jumbled conversations from just days before.  Not all in the same order, but recalling things spoken and shared with various people, action taken/or the lack of action taken, and a million and one other thoughts that she could have said, should have said, ...