They Call Me Blondie

There was a quote I stumbled across in the feed of instagram.  Not just the quote hit me, but the image was of a girl in the midst of a run.  You could tell she was on the move somewhere.  In a strange sort of way, you were drawn into the picture as you wanted to know where she was headed...   She was clearly headed somewhere. . .  The quote read:  UNBROKEN:  She does not let her past define her Now, I wouldn't necessarily let my mind wonder off into the depths of analyzing where I am going by just the image but this time it got me thinking based off the quote with the word UNBROKEN.   I started thinking more about life and where I was in terms of letting the past define me and the places of brokenness from my past that were still impacting me or not.   Spring has settled in but if you take a moment to think about the way people make resolutions each year after year, what is it they have in common?  Typically, its something...

So, I used to think no matter how thin or petty I was, I would never be thin or pretty enough to be valuable and lovable. I battled food restriction, addictions, and even working out too much! I had the coined "female athlete triad" disorder where you don't eat enough for workouts & yet loved the number on the scale or the size of jeans I could fit into, so it was a vicious cycle. I remember feeling worthless for years as I struggled to overcome the lies. Now, almost 4 years free of living under the control of what I consumed, within the last few years I've come to understand my beauty & character, even WHO I am in a whole different light! I choose to eat to fuel my body for my workouts now, instead of scavenge off of rabbit food to barely make it through the day! I've taken hold of incredible promises found in God's word; and believe it or not; I have been set free!! I don't say this to preach by any means. I never expected others to live up to...

As i listened to him speak, an all too familiar thought crossed my mind.   “This doesnt apply to you girl...He’s talking to people that  don’t have the struggles that you do.  You’ve already had your chance and you missed it, so somehow you have to learn to survive and carry on.  This is the lot you got in life”  Hmmm. thats odd. I knew I’ve heard that voice before, but for some reason this time it didn’t seem very convincing. I mean it did, but right in the middle of church?   I found myself wanting to believe what the guy on the platform was sharing.  And yet my own thought life was trying to disagree?   Could it be, my own thoughts are not really my own?  What if what I’ve heard is really true - That the enemy of our soul will do everything to convince us of what we’re not, so we are too embarrassed to come any closer to freedom? Ya know; things along lines of Not being good enough to ____ or Not strong enough to resist ____....

God = Is = Able. Any way you add it up. This is something we can know for certain in our hearts in regard to any and every impossible situation we’re facing. It is something we can keep turning our lives toward with confidence every minute of every day. Any day. Like today. He can do it. He is able. That’s the truth. Bank on it. I know this to be true and yet when my heart is broken into a thousand pieces and the tears flood my eyes, I struggle to lift my head. "Lift your head up princess if not the crown fall" as a popular post on Pinterest has been seen. There's another circling picture of a girl and a crown sliding forward and soooo many of us can relate. You are not alone. Ohh, to take away the pain from last month's devastation. To replace those moments of anger with conflict management and the "right choice of words" so I didn't lose my job. Having not gone home to pick up the lunch you forgot, only to confront the infidelity. ...

And we find ourselves asking yet again; "is the life I lead the life that longs to live in me?” When we know we’re called to higher, and in a moment of complete surrender we tell Him “I will go wherever you lead — ” I wonder how many of us actually understand what this means?   Or if they’re really just foxhole prayers? We cry out for a “fix” and a solution to the season we’re in, because we’re desperate for an answer or direction, but when we don’t receive the ‘revelation’ we hoped for, we just continue forward with our lives just as they are??    I’ve heard the saying “ comfort is the enemy of achievement”  in the fitness world a dozen or more times, which thankfully I guess is true; for fitness so you push beyond comfort levels to see achievement.     But think back to your personal life and the decisions you’ve made throughout your years.  How many times would you say you made decisions based off of how ‘safe’ they were?...

Ok so, here's the thing... I don't want to just be average. I have a really close friend who is an artist and we've talked about the type of people she wants to associate her work with.  She's not just any artist though. You see; She is totally brilliant! Her art reaches some of the highest echelon of people in NYC and for so long, she didn't even have a public website because her clientele was based off referrals only, and in-person meetings. "Couture" or "high-art" as they call it.  In a conversation she and I had, once upon a time, she told me she had worked with a couple of guys that 'claimed to walk with Jesus' then were poor workers, did a bad job, and were totally lazy.  Sadly, she was scarred by that experience that she typically actually 'prefers' to work with people other  than professing Christians.   This makes me sad.  And yet, I can understand. You see. If we run around telling everyone about our faith and wear ...

Totally freaked out.   I stand at the edge of what seems like a never ending drop.  In the fog and the haze, I look out past the horizon and hear whispers of something I recognize.   "Brave"  the wind whistles... its cold now, and although bundled in a sweater and warmth, the wind whips through and over the grasses with a chilling bite.  From atop the mountain it seems so far down... as you think of the long way it is to the bottom, which would certainly mean the death of you, the thoughts start to crawl in... Dont forget while you're here, they're there planning without you. . .  What are you doing with your life? . . .You stink at being a parent, a thrown together lunch because you forgot to get to the store  . . .   After so much strategy and efforts planning, what if the merger is a flop? . . . How will we ever have a child?  Where is the money going to come from?  . . .  Mise well be who they want you to be - its easier ...

It was a week of unbelievable crazy ups and downs.   I heard the exciting news of something I once proposed to be a divinely inspired idea and the not so exciting announcement to me was that it was finally coming to fruition based off someone else's hand - and they took credit. Backhanded high five.  Awesome feeling. A car accident not based off my lack of attention, but it simply was black ice I could not get my car to stop.  A deductible later. Whats another $500 right? The announcement of their wedding. Its clear he moved on. But why would it be on the date of her birthday?   He still isnt allowed home to see his family and has had such a good long stride of behavior.  His wife is devastated.  How to be a good friend in the midst of other struggles, job issues, things I couldnt control, and not to mention sleep I hadn't gotten... I had no idea!  While the devil may have thought he was winning certain battles, and at times during this week ...